It's Not About the Nail - Bring Change to Mind
On his side, the problem seems obvious there's a nail in her head that's . videos, they do make for much more comfortable and healthy relationships. It is called “It's Not About the Nail” and adds a comic relief to a deep and true meaning. The video has to deal a lot about relationships. Have you ever been in a. Jason Headley did a great job conveying what seems to be a complicated relationship story in its simplest form. First, take a minute to watch this hilarious video. . Do you have any ideas that might help the situation? Instead of fixing their nail, you feel that you have a nail on your own head now.
He understandably want to just fix the problem and take it out of there! Seems like a pretty obvious way to address her concerns, right? What she is looking for is a supportive ear to listen to her issues, and to validate how frustrating they are.
Furthermore, by pushing the issue, he is actually pushing her into a more defensive and less flexible place with the nail. While the righting reflex often comes from a warm and caring place, the end result is that it can push someone away from actually making a change to the situation being discussed.
Even look at the last scene of that video. In fact, in her mind, the problem is likely to become the boyfriend and his obsession with the nail, or the way he talks to her, when she clearly just wants him to listen to her.
In other words, the nail becomes his problem, not hers!! So, how do you deal with this, from either end of the conversation? The answers are Positive Communication and Listening Skills. Positive Communication Positive communication is a set of guidelines for how to communicate with someone in a way that might help increase the odds that they will listen to you and that you might even get what you want from them.
These guidelines, which are outlined in the 20 Minute Guide and in Beyond Addictionare drawn from a number of different evidence based treatment protocols can help raise the odds that the person you are talking to can hear your request and even raises the odds that they will agree to give you what you want The seven guidelines are: Be Brief — Stay on topic and keep it short and sweet. Be Specific — Use specific examples and ask specifically for what you want. Label Your Feelings — Tell the other person how you are feeling in this situation.
Offer to Help — Offer ways you can help them do the thing you want them to do. It's giving me a pounding headache.
They really just want to vent. Respond for the sake of responding. Repeat their concerns back to them: Insert issue can be very stressful. Just hearing about it is giving me a headache, too. The nail is there, but I don't want to do anything about it.
No, Really, It’s Not About the Nail
You have been listening to the same complaints over and over. It's the same old crap. You can see the bright and shiny nail clearly on their forehead and just want to pull it out.
The solution is so obvious to you. But wait, they have not asked the questions: What do you think? As much as you want to pull that darn nail, don't! They just are not ready yet. You can gently lead the conversation to a path that will hopefully help them realize the real issue.
No, Really, It's Not About the Nail - CMC
Do you have any ideas that might help the situation? Help steer them to a place where they are ready to do something about it.
The nail is there, I am ready to do something about it. Finally, your tactic is working!
They asked the questions: What should I do? Now, pull the nail by offering recommendations. Have you considered doing this or that? The nail is gone.