The Ugly Truth Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Katherine Heigl movie
Find amazing Ugly Truth GIFs from on Gfycat. Share your katherine heigl the ugly truth gif trending ugly dancing GIF The Ugly Truth Flirt funny comedy flirt GIF Sólo Baila enchufetv, enchufe, tv, Just Dance (Video Game), Pancho. This item:The Ugly Truth [Blu-ray] by Bree Turner Blu-ray $ . The DVD includes mostly forgettable deleted and extended scenes, but also a gag reel that . Mental - Bad Behaviour, Ugly Truths and the Beautiful Game Jermaine Pennant We would see them whilst we were out, I would flirt, have a little dance, and I said to for different clubs and I was never around when Cheryl was on the scene.
Oh, c'mon, I never had a chance with you. I had a momentary lapse in judgement when I thought you were more than you are, but you aren't.
Well what does that mean? I like girls in Jello. I like to fuck like a monkey. Don't fall in love. Yeah, it is scary. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you. I am not a psycho! I just told you that I loved you and all you heard was "psycho. The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and, and physical ailments without any objective evidence of Yet again I just told you I'm in love with you and you're standing here giving me a vocabulary lesson.
You're in love with me. Beats the shit out of me, but I am. I am not desperate! Why, did you think I sounded desperate? Desperately asking me if you sounded desperate? Rule 3, men are very visual. We have to change your look. What's wrong with my look? You're all about comfort and efficiency! What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)
Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper. I want to thank you for getting me this gig, I would never have gotten it without you. We make good TV. I, I hadn't really been picturing you that way, but it's a nice image. I do not watch your program. My cat stepped on the remote.
Well, you want to thank your pussy for me, then? I'm sorry, but Jack Magnun will no longer be able to do 'The Ugly Truth', which should really come as no surprise because men are completely unreliable.
Take Mike Chadway, for instance. He up and quit the show, without so much as a word. You think you know what men are going to do. You think you know what men want to do, but when it comes right down to that moment where they need to step up and, I don't know, make a move - they chicken out. I am all over this. The big strong brave men, that we've all been reading about in novels and watching in movies since we've been nine years old, - -that's a fallacy.
Men are not strong. Men are not brave. Even if they have a moment in a hotel elevator and it's totally romantic and full of potential, men are incapable of copping to it because, why? Let me tell you something about women. Women would have us believe that they are the victims; That we break their hearts for sport. They say they want romance, they say they want true love, but all they want is a check list. Is he a doctor?
For you men who fit the criteria, don't kid yourselves. Cuz they're not sleeping with you, they're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul, polished over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials.
We need short enough to see some thigh, but not so short to see vag. Jeans are all about the curvature of the ass. Well, you've got the raw materials.
Now all you need is the proper presentation. When we ask you how you're doing, it's guy code for: If he's even remotely into you I love how you assume all men are as perverse as you are. Oh, I don't assume. We need to make one more stop. I have tons of stuff. Men like something to grab onto other than your ass. My hair is fine. Abby, a ponytail implies that you are either operating heavy machinery Neither of those things inspires an erection.
Why is it my responsibility to inspire an erection? Isn't that his job? What do you think? I don't wanna be perceived as a bimbo. And I don't want you to be a bimbo. You have to be two people: The librarian and the stripper. On the one hand, you have to push the guy away with a cold indifference You know how to flirt? I also love cats, gardening, and romantic picnics. Hey, babe, you wearing any underwear? I wouldn't say that, and I wouldn't grab ass. What's wrong with a little ass-grabbing?
I mean, what's it there for if for not me to grab it? You're just a set of orifices and a pair of teetahs. And you are a deeply, deeply disturbed person. Maybe I'm just a really good student.
Running your finger down there. Is it turning you on? It's weird, I think I kind of like it. Okay, no teaching the teacher. I'm not ready for this. Keep the conversation under a minute. No, wait, wait, wait.
Come here, come here. You're such an asshole. Yeah, I was just doing the dishes. You put me on hold and never called back. Would you mind actually giving me a call a little later?
Gotta get back to those dishes. Now make him suffer. Abby, I was wondering if you'd like to go Okay, I have a visual. Nod if you can hear me.
It's gonna be fine. Now, do exactly what I tell you, and when I tell you to do it. That was a little over the top, but nice try. Well, thanks for being you. I'm not talking to you. Tell him you saw him looking at another girl. I saw you looking at another girl. I was trying to get us a couple hot dogs. Okay, we need a quick recovery. Make sure you put the hot dog in your mouth nice and slowly.
Men like watching penis-shaped food go into a girl's mouth. I'm so, so sorry. You know, I can get this out. I'm sure I can. Well, actually, leather's the worst. Oh, look, hold on. Abby, you might want to look up. Way to go, Abby. Okay, I got you. You're just not what I'm used to. I'm used to women I can figure out in five seconds. But I can't do that with you. I figured you out in two. Now, tell him good night and stick your tits out. That definitely made up for my wet crotch. I didn't have one.
I mean, don't ask me why, but I think he likes you. And he fits all of the criteria on my checklist. Though weren't items one through nine I'm gonna ignore that, because I am in such a good mood. Of all the primates, bonobo monkeys Especially when it comes to sex.
They use sex as a way to end an argument. One of my favorite techniques as well. In fact, when they come upon a new food source This is not for children. Sounds like a great argument for evolution if you ask me. See you guys later. Yeah, I've got an adult male bonobo monkey in my pants. I'd like to see that. What are you doing here? I told you no watching the show, especially live. I need some emergency advice. Tracy Mclvor asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Is it dorky if I say yes?
You're ahead of the game. Women are coming to you. You know how cool that is? Relish this moment, okay? Now get the hell out of here. I'll see you at 5. He lives with you? Well, next door, with my sister. Colin called, he wants to get together again. So how long should I wait to have sex with him? Well, the more you make him beg for it So do everything else but. But then show him No, I'm not a sexual deviant. I'm guessing you've been out of practice for what, a year?
How do you live? So how often do you? That's what you call it? What is wrong with you? No, well, actually, I call it masturbating How often do you flick it? You're only asking me that so you can picture me flicking mine I would never picture you while I do that, which is not something I do.
I find it impersonal. Abby, what could be more personal than you flicking your bean? Well, you better start. Because if you don't wanna have sex with you, why the hell would Colin? What is this, baby? What is this, D'Artagnan? He said he was running late. What is he doing here already? The dinner with corporate. I have a date with Colin. You can't go because you have a date? You have no idea how hard those are for her to get.
Well, then let's pick him up on the way. Come on, let's go. Sorry to hijack your date, brother. You're a producer as well? No, dude, I'm the talent.
So you're an anchor, then? No, I do The Ugly Truth. Our show's way too low-brow for Colin. He doesn't wanna hear about things like implants and oral sex. I thought it was good thinking. Well, it certainly can't hurt. Ladies, you look quite fetching. Something tells me we won't be talking about the news tonight.
So you guys here to give me a raise or what? Oh, that's my guy, always with the jokes. No, really, we are very excited about this year's rating increases. And we're hoping that in the next quarter, we can Could you excuse me? You're wearing them now?
This ceviche, it's so good. Quite possibly the best I have ever tasted. I'm gonna ask the chef for the recipe. Tell Harold about the new teaser campaign You're gonna love this. Well, they're 15 seconds You tell them, Mike. You should tell them. Yes, you tell them. Actually, I was really enjoying the way you were telling them. You were telling them. They're unlike anything you have ever felt.
Of Mike telling an ugly truth Oh, it's so, so great! You're gonna love them. Well, gotta love her enthusiasm, right? I'm gonna use the restroom, if you'll excuse me. Sorry, buddy, that's my toy. Did you know he had it the whole time? Not the whole time, just part of the time. So thanks for coming tonight.
That kind of coming. He likes you, by the way. Just conference me when you get a hold of her. All right, so we have the balloon festival coming up We should do some stuff on location I'm sorry, did you just say I'm great?
Yeah, you kind of are. Back at you, babe. So tell me this. Why hasn't some fancy New York show stolen you away? Oh, I much prefer Sacramento to New York. You just like being a big fish in a little pond. And Sacramento isn't really a pond, it's more of a lake, or even an estuary. And it's a great place to raise a family.
Really good school system. The parks are clean and well-maintained and safe. And there's a much lower divorce rate here than there is in New York. Thank God Colin would never be into a woman like that. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Colin only likes women of quality, huh?
That's a trait to be admired, not mocked, man-whore. Why am I a man-whore? I've seen you with the Funbag Twins, remember? What, you saw me introduce them to some network executives? They wanna be actresses, baby. I mean, who am I to kill their dream? Such a generous man. You're telling me you've never slept with them? Every man wants that. And for your information, I only slept with the one who could read.
Wait a second, did you just say "cock"? I can say "cock. Okay, I got it. A week ago, you were crying at the thought of a vibrator. Now you're "cock this, cock that," cock, cock, cock.
We're saving that for this weekend. He's taking me to Lake Tahoe. I'm really a man of discriminating taste and you're a foul-mouthed slut. So there you have it. Never assume a girl is easy or assume she's a prude.
There are many layers in between. And it's your job, gentlemen, to peel back those layers That sounded almost enlightened. Because once you do peel back those layers, my friends And I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna fertilize that patch of petunias.
Coming up after this message, Javier tells us if your petunias I sure hope mine do. I wanna go home, but let's go over the script. Yeah, let's get it done really quickly. You're not gonna believe this. They want you as his guest. Oh, this is Rick. Since when do you have an agent? And since when is it okay Actually, it's Late Late.
Anyways, you leave tonight. Joy said you wanted to see me? I found out that Mike's being offered a job Craig Ferguson is his audition. If Bob and Harold find out about this, we're dead. Now, I need you to fly out there and talk him out of it. I'm going to Lake Tahoe this weekend. Don't let him know that you know.
Go ahead and let him do the show, get us our publicity That's all we can do. Stuart, I'm pulling up. I'm gonna try to catch him. I'll call you back. Hello, little stupid penis face. You'd be on cable access if it weren't for me.
I'm practicing my speech. I thought you were going to Tahoe. You couldn't spend a day without me. I just can't get enough of your sparkling wit and charm. Stuart thought you needed a producer more than I needed to get laid.
Come on, I gotta check in. We leave in five minutes. Okay, so let's go over the pre-interview questions. I'm sorry you didn't get to spend time with little Colin this weekend.
And by "little," I don't mean undersized That's what you wanna talk about right now? Because I thought we should talk about So tell me, Mike, how did The Ugly Truth start? I had a sales job I started calling in, and then I realized I'm smarter than everybody else. Just ask my producer, Abby. She thinks I'm a genius on days when she's not sexually frustrated.
Yes, thousands of lives have been enriched by your wisdom. Excuse me, lady, but you have a boyfriend right now because of me. It may have started because of you, but it's lasted because of me. You're acting like your normal control-freak psycho self again. I am not a control freak. When you checked into the hotel, did you or did you not insist I like rising with the sun, and a view. My point is, that Colin likes the Mike version of Abby So don't go knocking my words of wisdom I could be having sex right now.
Right this way, please. Dude, this is awesome. You are about to go on national television. Okay, this isn't helping, Rick. Just, you know, do what you always do. I don't know, you You entertain people with your moronic ideas That may be the nicest thing you said to me. Hey, how are you, folks? All right, Mike, welcome. Men, we men, I think I can say "we men.
But I hear you have some very interesting ideas and theories. What advice would you give to the people out there I mean, try to find lust instead. It's a lot easier and a lot less messy. Blue balls, they only last a few hours, but a broken heart, that can last years.
The woman that screwed you up. She must have been a doozy. Well, like I said, better a floozy than a doozy. I was looking for an Abby Richter. I thought you and I could celebrate on our own. Give me some of that. And what exactly are we celebrating? I was just on it. I mean, maybe you saw it? I heard about the offer from CBS. Well, then maybe you heard I turned it down.
You know, he needs me around. I may not be the best father figure out there And I don't wanna half-ass it all the way from San Francisco. Well, I think that's a very good decision. Now, can we stop talking about work Tell me about the doozy. You know, the woman who broke your heart. You are just totally trying to kill my buzz.
I'm just interested in what makes you you. Well, for your information It was more like a parade. Codependent girls, unfaithful girls Girls who, it turned out, didn't actually like me.
By the time I hit 30, I realized that You can't really believe there's no such thing as a good relationship. To my very core. Can I get you something? Okay, would you like still or sparkling?
It's the exact same thing, isn't it? So I've been told. Come on, let's dance. I've seen your spazzy dance, now I wanna see the real thing. I can't dance like that. We have an early flight tomorrow. So the car is gonna pick us up downstairs tomorrow at 8.
I guess I should go, huh? What the hell was that? Why do I wanna do it again? Since you couldn't come to Lake Tahoe, I decided to come to you.
I just started thinking about all the stuff we were going to do there, and l So happy to be here. You just surprised me. Have a little something else on its way up for you. You are going to love it. Let me tell you, it comes out so fast, right?
Oh, wow, I guess we have to get naked sooner than I thought. Abby, I really, really wanna do that again, and not just tonight.
Come on, you can do this. You're not room service. Good to see you. I just came by to tell Abby about the change in our flight time Eight o'clock in the morning.
I told you that already? Long day, big day. Okay, I'll just leave now. He came to surprise me. I thought it was you at the door. Well, I guess we're all interchangeable. I taught you well. Hey, maybe you could even host the show.
Tell me what happened in the elevator. Should I tell Colin to go? No, why pull up anchor now? I mean, you worked damn hard to get him here. That's all you have to say?
What do you want me to say? The truth is ugly, isn't it? That's what I've been trying to tell you. Listen, the rest of the night is ours. To the first of many romantic evenings to come. Colin, why do you like me? You never try to control the situation. And I've gotta say, it's a breath of fresh air I am just like that. Wait, what do you mean? Well, this should be chilled. But you know that. And as horrible as it sounds I was editing that speech the entire time you were giving it.
And the time you fed me caviar, I was in physical pain. I hate being fed like a toddler. That's how much of a control freak I am. But I couldn't show you any of that, because You are a great guy, you really are. Which is why I have to tell you that I have not been myself.
Not for one second of the time that we've been dating. Then who have you been? The girl some idiot told me to be. What did you do to him? I didn't do anything. He missed the flight all on his own. He quit this morning. I got a call from the local CBS affiliate saying they'd closed a deal with him. Corporate's having a shit fit.
What the hell happened? He quit to go to one of our local competitors? We don't need Mike Chadway. Halfwit troglodytes are a dime a dozen. You'd better be right. Because you gotta find me another one or else we're canceled.
I'll find one by the end of the day. That's just a joke, everybody. I can't believe I allowed myself to feel for him. Well, you felt enough something to break up with Colin.
Okay, here are the Mike Chadway replacements. So, what do you think of the new set? KS XP retained the copyright to your old segment title Morning Madness With Mike. You know what I like best about you, Joe? Is I don't wanna have sex with you at all. I'm relieved to hear that.
Is it too shiny? Which side is better? Right, left, full frontal? Can we go over your intro one more time? Let's maybe lose the gun thing. Gun's my signature move. Unless the NRA is paying your mortgage this month I say lose the effing gun. All right, we're live in five, four, three We'll do a couple questions with the balloon pilot Most of you are watching this show so you can learn how to get chicks.
Well, let me assure you, you're in good hands. You're looking at a guy Most of them conscious. But I think we all know, it's the ladies that are full of crap. Just because she says no, doesn't mean she means no. If that were the case, I'd have only 90 women It looks like we're experiencing some technical difficulty. Yeah, when you have a wine festival Which should really come as no surprise What is she doing?
Take Mike Chadway, for instance. He up and quit the show without so much as a word. You think you know what men are gonna do, you think you know But when it comes down to that moment The big, strong, brave men that we've all been reading about Men are not strong.
Men are not brave. It's all part of the show. It's an Andy Kaufman thing we're doing. Even if they have a moment in a hotel elevator Let me tell you something about women. That we break their hearts for sport. I told you we'd get him back. They say they want true love, but all they want is a checklist. Is he a doctor? For you men who fit the criteria They're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices.
Money over substance, looks over soul. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic This coming from a man who's never made a gesture Oh, so the elevator wasn't a gesture?
The elevator was a moment of passion I came by your room. That wasn't panic, sweetheart. That was an unwillingness to compete You should be thanking me. We got 10 seconds. Are we ready to soar up, up and away? Well, there you have it, folks. That's the ugly truth. A girl in heat for two guys I hate you so much, I just swore on live television. No, you hate yourself for being so shallow. I'm not going anywhere with you.
The Ugly Truth () - Gerard Butler as Mike Chadway - IMDb
Keep rolling on the onboard camera. God, what is wrong with you? They don't even know they're on the air, do they? Is there any way to tell them they're on the air?
So who wants champagne? I got a great idea.