Are White Lies OK in Romantic Relationships?
Susan Winter, Contributor. Bestselling Author/Relationship Expert/Empowerment Coach Here's are five tips to decode your partner's lying: Elaboration: Novice's It's the adult version of running away. The Turn-around: This. We know that honesty is the best policy in all relationships. In healthy romantic relationships, partners directly discuss their desires, thoughts. Lying makes the liar unable to be vulnerable in the relationship. put on a show to manipulate adoring adults, they're also told lying is wrong.
Two adults can agree to whatever terms of a relationship they like, but the hidden violation of the agreement is what makes an act a betrayal and an affair unethical. In the book Sex and Love in Intimate RelationshipsI cited extensive research on the subject of infidelity and posed the following: Deception may be the most damaging aspect of infidelity.
Deception and lies shatter the reality of others, eroding their belief in the veracity of their perceptions and subjective experience. As kids, we are taught that it is wrong to lie; yet as we get older, the lines tend to become increasingly blurred. This is especially the case when we are faced with the challenging conditions that come with intimate relationships.
When this happens, jealousy, possessiveness insecurity and distrust can cause us to warp and misuse our relationships. An example of this might be a woman whose boyfriend gets so jealous that he forbids her to be alone with other men. Another example may be a man whose partner feels so insecure that she demands to be constantly reassured of his love and attraction to her. This type of restrictive situation can become a hotbed for dishonesty.
The woman may lie about time alone she spent with a male friend or co-worker, or the man may lie about an attraction he is starting to feel for another woman.
When we treat our partners with respect and honesty, we are true not only to them but to ourselves. Here's are five tips to decode your partner's lying: They tell their story in great detail You hear an elaborate story filled with unexpected events and dramatic factors.
A litany of details is a dead give away that it's a lie. The eyes can't lie: Before concocting a story a liar will often shift their eyes to the left as you're viewing them their right.
- Are White Lies OK in Romantic Relationships?
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It's an old-school "tell" called visual construction. Your partner's mind is in the process of creating a more preferable scenario. Conversely, when trying to remember a real life event, we shift our eyes up and to the viewer's right.
Liars may choose to stare straight ahead while reciting their tale in order to stay focused on the rehearsed "facts," or avoid eye contact all together out of shame. This is why text messages and phone calls are the preferred method of lying.
The eyes are cued up to involuntary reactions that are hard to hide in person. This tactic includes anything and everything to avoid dealing with telling you something that makes your man uncomfortable.
He has to leave. He can't talk about it now. He has to make a call or he's late for an appointment. It's the adult version of running away. This is a handy technique that's used to shift the blame and put you on the hot seat. It makes the person who is on the receiving end of the lie feel as though they must be viewed as someone who is weak. The second form, protection of oneself, is driven by fear of judgment, loss of respect, or loss of love.
The Truth About Lying: Why People Lie and How to Cope | The Chopra Center
In some cases, especially with children, it can be driven by a fear of punishment. This includes attempting to attain financial gain, making others feel sorry for them, or sometimes playing a false victim role. At the core of the reason is greed—something that has been and will continue to be the fuel to many lies. Little lies are often overlooked.
Our society tells so many white lies they hardly recognize themselves doing it at all. These lies build up, one on top of the other, creating a slippery slope: Once we tell ourselves these lies are harmless, telling larger lies becomes easier. If you are choosing to cut off communication with the individual, here are some helpful tips: Ask yourself the following questions. What experiences had you been thinking of? What type of personal growth was on your mind leading up to this occurrence?
5 Tips to Tell if Your Partner's Lying to You
What lessons have you learned? How will this affect future relationships? How will this affect how you treat others? Keep note of the following.
Deception and the Destruction of Your Relationship
Did I act in any of the ways that parallel to the above reasons people lie? If not … Did I act in such a way that could have triggered someone to think I would react to the truth in any such ways? Keep notes of personal epiphanies that come to you.