Boxed in wanting out of a relationship

8 Signs You’re “Going Nowhere” - Susan Winter

boxed in wanting out of a relationship

There is a certain sort of relationship that is alternately passionate, fiery and painfully One person seems to want far too much, the other far too little. There are a few ways out: the avoidant party can realise, and learn to tolerate their . Bitty Browser Blinklist Blogger BlogMarks Buffer Care2 News. Sadly, many are oblivious to any red flags of an unhealthy relationship — or worse, in denial. They can be subtle enough to dust under the rug as. You feel unhappy and worn out by your relationship; You feel happier away What is it that you want to do with your relationship; what's your ultimate goal?.

The passion and emotion in them was intoxicating and I was tired of being tired. I wanted what my twenty-something year old girl had. More importantly, I wanted what she and my husband had together, so I set out to find her.

The first thing I did was make an effort to have more fun. When cleaning, I played blasting music, I traded the treadmill for kick boxing and the park bench for the swing next to my kids. Next, I started bringing fun into my marriage. From disco dancing in the kitchen, going on pub crawls to taking road trips together, our relationship returned to its roots with fun front and center.

Slowly, the woman Dave married returned. The truth was she was there all along -- she was just buried in responsibility. Being a woman today isn't easy; there's always going to be more to do than hours in the day. What I learned from this experience is the importance of prioritizing the things that matter most and having Dave at the bottom of that list wasn't going to work.

I pushed him to the top and our family is better off for it. Here are a few more things I did that had lasting effects on our relationship. I encourage you to give them a try: Make an effort to compliment your partner every day. I know, it's hard to even consider this being that no one ever says "Thanks for unloading the dishwasher," or "You look amazing today!

Compliments such as "Thanks for trimming the trees today, they look great," or "You look gorgeous! Even though you live together, odds are you rarely have time alone.

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Consider making date night a weekly norm. If you can't do that, then create a minute window to talk, have a glass of wine or slow dance in the kitchen. If the very thought of this scares you, it's long past due. Intimacy, while hard to maintain is the key to a great relationship.

No dinner and a movie dates! When dating, odds are you and your husband did things that were fun. Try new and interesting things like playing racquetball or going bowling, take a cooking class together or hitting a theme park and riding roller coasters! Does this take work? Yes, but it's worth the effort. While it's easy to try these ideas once or twice, the truth is you have to put in real effort and be consistent if you want to see results.

Our society is all about immediate gratification, but in this case, you have to work for it. Where do you think I should put it? There were things that still give me a happy, positive feeling, and I like to keep them in my life. To a large extent, some relationships I've had define periods of my life, and it would be difficult to relate a story about those times without acknowledging that whatever the story is about, it wasn't a solo adventure, and that it remains such a positive thing largely because of the company I was in.

At the same time, if you are going to keep things, don't throw them in your SO's face. If they are private, personal memories, they should remain that way.

I haven't deleted photos of trips just because an old girlfriend is in them. I just put those files in a different place so that when my wife and I look through our photos, there's not a file with an ex-girlfriend's name on it.

It's not a secret, it's just not something we talk about. The things I've been given from past relationships still have value to me, and as long as I'm not bringing it up to my wife constantly, I don't see any real problem, and neither does she. Note how I said "significant" - I think that cohabiting or getting engaged is that line. I'm not saying toss out photos - I was the one who said that the woman who had a photo of her ex on a bookcase in her bedroom with other stuff was well within her rights - but I think keeping racy stuff is disrespectful given that you're moving in together.

I have photos of an ex wearing his boxer shorts. Now, it's a gag photo, because there are 16 other people in the photograph he came home from a concert completely drenched in sweat and my roommate gave him a hard time about sitting on "her" furniture in those clothes, so he stood on the front porch and took all his clothes off, so I could go throw them in the washer - but I got rid of it because it's my ex in his underwear, and I don't think that any other boyfriend needed to go through my stuff and see that there.

If they dumped you, get rid of it. Personally, I'm a huge pack rat like, I save most of my movie ticket stubsand I don't think it's a big emotional problem, just a clutter problem. I ended up mostly just keeping things that were small and easy to pack away. So, stuffed animals, t-shirts for his favorite sports teams, and large framed pictures of us that I obviously would never hang up again were out; normal-sized photos and birthday cards and little souvenirs were in.

boxed in wanting out of a relationship

I don't think your current SO really has any say in this, but I do think kch has the right idea - keep it stored with the rest of the junk from your past, so it's your Memory Box, not your Secret Shrine to Ex. No-one can really tell you how the balance on this particular issue weighs in your particular relationship, but it's most likely true that finding the balance is going to require empathy and respect on both your part and on your SO's.

Personally, I throw many things away, or return them, or give them to mutual friends who might enjoy them. The things I keep are in a box slightly larger than a breadbox in the storage room and I don't think I've ever opened it. It's not kind to display your mementos of happy times with the still-living person you used to date in the home you share with the person you're making your now-life with. I don't see any point in hanging on to memories of a person I'm not going to be with any more.

And I wouldn't like my partner to think I was hanging onto my past either. This will have stuff from exes but also dumb old photos from high school and postcards you've gotten from relatives. The idea is that the past happened, but it's compartmentalized and everyone from the past is in one place, you don't have some sekrit box that's all about the ex where you hide all the things they gave you, etc.

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That said, I'm a bit of an open book about this sort of thing and if a current SO had a problem with this, that would not be okay with me, so you'll have to ook at your own situation and see what's appropriate. There are definitely no hard and fast rules. It's your life, it's your box, it's your past. Keep what you want to keep, toss what you want to toss.

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But don't throw anything out until you want to get rid of it. Having a box of personal things from your past is within your rights as a human being. Like if it was precious metals you can melt it down and make it into a different piece. Gold, platinum, silver etc. If you're really rich and someone gives you a yacht, you might not care, but if you're hustling like me and someone gives you a serving bowl, you'll keep it because you don't have money for another one All that little stuff you were talking about?

Get rid of it.

boxed in wanting out of a relationship

I'd be offended if I found sentimental objects from my husband's previous relationship. He was my first love and we were still friendly. When I moved in with my new boyfriend he said the stuff made him feel uncomfortable.

I thought that was unfair but got rid of the box of mostly pictures, letter and a tape of him telling me a long funny story. I figured the guy and I still talked occasionally so even though I didn't really want to I ditched our relationship relics. Two years later the guy who was my first love committed suicide. I would really give almost anything to have that box back. The things inside the box were a touchstone, not just of HIM but of who I was at the time, and who I was with him.

8 Signs You’re “Going Nowhere”

How would it make you feel? I say keep the stuff, but think long and hard about why your SO keeping similar stuff would bother you.

Examine it from the other side, so you can 1 get past your "not good" feelings about whatever your hypothetical things SO may be keeping from their past, and 2 get rid of the "racy" sentimental gifts. Let's say for instance, your ex gave you a deep and profound love of cuteoverload.

boxed in wanting out of a relationship

Would you still look at pictures of adorable puppies even after you had broken up? What about any tv shows?

Any changes in your worldview? The point is, our experiences are the main driving force in our development as people. Who is to say that you wouldn't be a completely different person without ALL of your exes not just the one. Because a romantic relationship requires a certain, heightened level of self-honesty, personal development is inevitable. This means that sometimes, exes even short-lived ones, so to speak can influence your behaviour even during a post-that-ex relationship.

The ghosts of relationships past still haunt everybody, I'd say. Your SO's job is to understand that you have a past. Your job is not to make it a problem for your SO. I would argue that a box of stuff is the least of your worries.

I'd keep it in a box, though. It would also depend what it was. A pic of the two of them on vacation in Hawaii? Yeah that can go in the drawer, but a group photo with a bunch of other friends that she happens to be in, I think that's fine even though the less mature part of me wouldn't love it. Same goes for items that are not obviously "romantic" in some way, like if a SO's ex gave him a guitar I would never expect him to get rid of it.

If I was actually married to someone, I think I might want the box of pictures and letters gone, but I don't have super strong feelings about that. More than that and youre just hoarding self-pity. I was with a guy for 11 years and if I were to get rid of every photo I had of him I would only have a photo album full of scenic photos and my pets. My fiance doesn't care.