16 Relationship Tips That Actually Aren’t Bullshit; interview with Buzzfeed Magazine - Susan Winter
Oct 16, Several BuzzFeed staffers openly criticized their site's decision Friday to “If you' ve followed fights around gay rights in the Republican Party in the is that Trump is pro-LGBTQ by extension of his relationship with Stone. Sep 24, BuzzFeed's cheerful, upbeat tone, alongside a fairly unrestricted workplace, has We made a video called Weird Things All Couples Do. We did Weird Things All Couples Fight About, which has well over 1 million shares. Jan 11, "I think BuzzFeed really stepped in it,” one media lawyer says. “He is not what we would call an 'all-purpose public figure,'” said Derigan.
You probably think you and your partner talk all the time, but how much of that communication is just about day-to-day, surface-level stuff? Turn your phones off around each other sometimes. Phones are great and all, but going technology-free every once in a while can really go a long way in making you more available and accessible for your partner, couples therapist Irina Firstein tells BuzzFeed.
The key is to fight fairly, dating coach Tracey Steinberg tells BuzzFeed. Check in with your partner about decisions, even if they seem small. Give to your partner what you want to receive back.
Living the Expanded Version of Your Life. If something is lacking in your partnership, try making the first move to inject it back into things. Touch each other more — and not just in sexual ways. According to Winter, constructive communication that will actually help your relationship is non-accusatory in nature and is used to share your emotions. Basically, giving them a better picture of yourself and really communicating all that important stuff that makes you you.
Do things that make you feel good, happy, and confident. Making someone feel oversensitive and unreasonable is gaslighting. After he told me what to paint and hovered over me complaining that I was doing it all wrong, I got mad and left the room. Could I be the manipulative one?
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Would he break up with me? I went to the bathroom, and when I got out, I was relieved to find him standing there holding his cat. We stood together and pet her like nothing had ever happened.
Forget about my anger toward him. As they started getting worse, a friend encouraged me to end the relationship. Finally, I saw why I could never get our arguments out of my mind: None of my concerns were ever addressed. They were simply deflected onto me. My concerns became results of my own pettiness. In fact, I wondered if I would drive all my future partners away for being so over-critical. I grew to believe he was noble for resisting the urge to argue and I was small-minded in comparison.
He understood what life was about. This is what manipulative people want. Since I was constantly trying to prove I was deserving, my partner always got what he wanted from me. The first boundary he coaxed me to cross was my standard for safer sex.
He told me condoms hurt, so I asked him to get tested — for months. He kept saying he would make appointments but never did. I got sick of having the same discussion over and over, so I gave in and had unprotected sex. My decision was not safe either, but it was understandable given the alternative.
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The next boundary he wore away at was financial. Since I made more money than him, he argued, I should cover our dates when he was short on cash. I had enough money to pay for his meals, so I again felt petty that it made me uncomfortable.
Why was I putting my own ability to save money over his ability to enjoy our time together? As these stories show, his weapon of choice was not overt aggression, but intellectual, seemingly rational arguments. If someone stumps you with a question, he said, change the subject.
So, you comply with their subject change and try to forget how the conversation started in the first place.
Unfortunately, if it started with something important to you, it comes back to haunt you later. I felt like I had split personalities, my allegiances constantly shifting. My thoughts were muddled and confused. But after gaining an understanding of manipulation, I realized the version of me that was aligned with him was not based on my own original thoughts. He had manipulated me into advocating for him. In fact, when I defended him, I sounded just like him. I ranted about how misunderstood he was.
Thankfully, I had family and friends who stood up for me — and stood up to me when I was gaslighting myself.
Eventually, it became impossible to play the roles of both the loyal girlfriend and the friend and daughter of people who wanted the best for me. I had to pick one version of myself. So I decided to speak up.