Is conflict good or bad for a relationship

How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship

is conflict good or bad for a relationship

I hate fighting. I hate conflict. I hate emotional upset. I hate it when my partner is upset. I hate all the bad feelings that come up for me when. Sarah Noel, MS, LMHC - Talking to your partner about hurt, anger, or other emotions you're feeling isn't fun, but holding them in often leads to. Is conflict in your relationship good or bad. 5 Things we want in our relationships · Treat your partner like you would a complete stranger.

Conflicts run all the way from minor unimportant differences to critical fights. There are conflicts of needs, wants, preferences, interests, opinions, beliefs and values. Styles of Conflict Resolution: Avoiding or denying the existence of a conflict. Many people prefer to give in rather than struggle through the conflict.

Some people get mad and blame the other person. Others are competitive and have to win. They use their power and influence to control and get their way. Some appear to compromise but are subtly manipulative in trying to win more ground.

A few people can control their anger, competitive, I-give-up feelings and self- serving tendencies and genuinely seek a fair, optimal solution for both parties. This is a creative integrative approach. Three Types of Healthy Solutions: Most conflicts are in areas that have more than two alternatives.

How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship

If you do not like the choice your partner wants, and your partner does not like your choice, with a little more effort you might be able to find another alternative that you both like and want. When you cannot find an alternative that you both want, look for an option that is acceptable to both of you, or negotiate an agreeable compromise. There will be a winner and a loser. Healthy Conflict Resolution is easy to understand intellectually, but not as easy to apply and use consistently.

is conflict good or bad for a relationship

It does however become easier once the skills and trust are developed. Both partners must view their conflicts as a problem to be solved by them. They each must actively participate and make the effort and commitment to work hard together to find solutions that are fair and acceptable to both.

If fear and power is used to win, the relationship will be mortally wounded.

7 Reasons Why Fighting Is Good For Your Relationship

You will inadvertently teach your spouse to be insensitive to your needs and self-serving at your expense. Your self-esteem and self-worth will deteriorate. Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free Coming through the other side of an argument strengthens feelings of trust in the process.

Knowing that I can survive makes fighting less threatening. Because it is less threatening I tend to avoid delaying a confrontation and present my concerns earlier to my partner when they are less likely to cause an explosive reaction. Sometimes arguments erupt like an unforeseen squall on the ocean, blind-siding both partners.

Surviving these surprises increases resiliency to confrontational situations.

Relationship Conflict: Healthy or Unhealthy

You will feel better. Letting off steam and expressing your feelings releases tension, anxiety and fear. Keeping emotions bottled up all the time leads to rigidity of the mind, body and soul. This is not an academic position. Your partner will know your thoughts, feelings and opinions. When you are able to fully express yourself, your partner will understand the depth of your feelings about the subject. If you are able to put some volume and intensity in the communication, they will get that this is important to you.

Fighting has a tendency to bring out our worst tendencies. But it can also bring out our best attributes once we work through the tough stuff. In this process, we get to know the good, the bad and the ugly of ourselves and our partners, and still love them.

Fighting can be a growth process in which your self-understanding, and understanding of your partner increases. Also, post-fight make-up sex cements intimacy. And to think most of us believe fighting is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.

Jordan Peterson - Why Fighting is Necessary in Relationships

After we become comfortable in a relationship, it is easy to think our partner knows our mood, our needs and our wants. Sometimes, there were no spots outside. She also decided to park on the outskirts of town and walk, because she wanted to get more physical activity into her day. Both partners win because their concerns are answered.

Orbuch, also the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Greatsuggested addressing specific behaviors rather than personality traits. She said that this is easier to hear for the other person and he or she has a good idea of what to work on.

If emotions run high, take a break.

is conflict good or bad for a relationship

If you find yourself getting emotional, take a break to calm down. Start with side-to-side conversations. Orbuch said that an apology can go a long way.

In general, you want to avoid steamrolling and resentful surrender, he said. As mentioned above, he explained that avoiding conflict actually gets couples into trouble.